InsaneJournal

Current mood:

confused

16 September 1942

I think I can see the way. It's odd, because I shouldn't be able to. I'm not one of them. Maybe it's not one of their ways. Maybe it's another way. It might be Lili's way. I like that idea. (I'm not sure all this travelling with Kenjiro is good for me, sometimes.)

Lili knows we're here. I know because I saw her last night. We had a good, long talk. She was right about Benedetto and Ficino. I really hate it when people who aren't as smart as me turn out to be right about things like that, too. The question is whether Lili will tell Ilóna we're here, and whether Ilóna will tell anyone, and who would believe them, anyway.

Ilóna is sometimes a wolf. The raven is sometimes a girl. Sometimes I am...what? Something else. My brother showed me Sevvie's equations. (He calls her that. In my letters I called her Magistra Leffoy, but I'm not sure that's really her name.) She figured out part of it. But I'm not sure I can go back. I think she can. But sometimes I'm not even sure that I want to. I want all of me back. But I'm starting to get used to this. There are things I can see that I couldn't before.

Sándor would tell me to trust Ilóna. But if he knew she was a wolf sometimes, he'd kill her. He'd cry and he'd be sad, but he would do it. Or he'd let Stepán. I have something to do with Stepán, and it's very important. And someone named Alessio, too. Lili mentioned this. She said it was important for me to remember the false dichotomy. And that a braid is stronger than a single cord. She doesn't like the yellow-eyed man.

Dr Tesla is old and I'm worried about him. I sometimes forget that bodies wear down. Miss Moody takes very good care of him though. Almost as much as Sándor does of me.